REGRETS
by Flamebreeze
Summary: Over-rated for safety. Tylendel's POV. Self explanatory. 'Lendel looking back at his life. Angst. Complete. R&R PLEASE!!


Revenge. That was his death wish; that was my goal. That was what I needed to be complete. To come back unto myself. I would make the sorry bastards who murdered Staven pay.  
  
He pulled me in during his last moments. He knew I was there the second that I linked in. And he knew he wasn't alone as he died. But I felt him die. I could feel the breath sucked out of him as the Leshara initiated their magical attack, and killed him. I lived his death, felt the pain.  
  
All over a petty blood feud. The one that Savil told me not to get involved with. I was supposed to be neutral as a Herald-Trainee. I was supposed to look at the facts, and ignore my family ties. But how could I not take sides?  
  
Savil never knew how strong my bond with Staven was. If she had known, she would have made me break it. How would she know the closeness that we shared in our twin-bond?  
  
I was too selfish to see that it was breaking my true love's heart. I didn't know how much it hurt him. I didn't know that the disguised look in his beautiful silver eyes was fear.  
  
I knew I shouldn't have dragged him into it. He threw my words back in my face. that whatever I had, he'd share. Through good or bad, he would help me. And I took advantage of him. I had him get me the magic books that I could not lay my hands upon. The magic books that created my downfall.  
  
Someone once told me that the road to disaster is ordered by the righteous, planned by the well-meaning, and paved with their good intentions. I didn't understand it then. I do now. The look in my lover's eyes as I unleashed the pack of wyrsa on the Leshara taught me that lesson.  
  
But some lessons are better left unlearned.  
  
He didn't understand the magic books. He didn't know that that's what our work was for. Too bad he hadn't known. He would have stopped me then, and none of this would have happened.  
  
I could see the blood draining from his face, the Gate pulling out all of his dormant energy. I could see his life force being sucked from him. but I was not done. And then it was all interrupted by the chiming of those silver hooves. The same chiming that brought up memories of the glorious day that I was Chosen. The best day of my life; when I had drowned in her deep sapphire eyes and felt the unconditional love that I had always dreamt of.  
  
And there she was, my Companion, my better side. Glowing the same deep sapphire of her eyes. With a look of utter disgust. I heard my own voice scream in protest as she moved to the wyrsa.  
  
:I do not know you. You are not my Chosen.: And then she was gone. My rage broke and transformed into a suicidal despair. And all that was left was a void where her unconditional love used to lie. I was broken. Empty. I heard Vanyel moan in our shared anguish, but I did not think of him. Only of my Gala. my Companion.  
  
And then she turned the icy eyes away from me, and ran into the wyrsa. She suicided before my eyes. And to my world, all was lost. I saw the wyrsa kill Gala. I saw her mangled body lying limp on the ground. I heard her shrieks of pain and despair, and I knew nothing beyond that, until I felt the familiar nausea of passing through a Gate.  
  
I felt the magic of my Gate rip through my body, and through Vanyel's, tearing open his dormant channels. I lived through our combined pain, and it broke my sanity. I shrieked into the night, unheard over the storms brought by the Gate.  
  
My captors left me to tend to a near-death Vanyel. And in my moment of insanity and escape, I ran for the bell tower. I climbed the trees surrounding it, climbed to the Death Bell. And I flung myself off the tower, my falling body illuminated by the lightning striking across the black sky.  
  
I did not love Vanyel enough. If I had, I would have borne the pain of my repudiation.  
  
It is rare for a Herald or Herald-Trainee to Lifebond. The Heralds already have an all consuming bond with their Companion, it would be hard to find yourself lifebonded on top of that. The conflicting space in my heart. I love Vanyel, I really do. But my bond to Gala implied that my Duty to Valdemar would always come first.  
  
I never knew the jealousy Vanyel had felt of my Herald-bond with Gala. He, in a way, resented her. And I can't blame him.  
  
I did not love him enough. I took the coward's way out, and left him behind to bear the pain that I left behind. I know what it feels like to lose such an ardent bond like that. It broke me.  
  
If only Gala could know how sorry I am. I blocked her out. The only one who would have been able to stop me. But I was selfish. I insisted on revenge.  
  
The first, and last, Herald in all of Valdemar's history to be repudiated.  
  
If only Vanyel could know how sorry I truly am. Sorry for leaving him, sorry for bringing him into my plots in the first place. I love you, Vanyel. Despite what I did, I did love you. I do love you. I valued you more than life itself.  
  
All for revenge. 


End file.
